Backwood’s Proverbs…

It has been said that the burnt hand learns fastest… And speaking from the position of a man who still cannot grow hair on his hands or lower arms, there is probably some truth to that statement. We have all made mistakes when it comes to outdoor activities, and in our relentless pursuit’s in the woods. Kris and I have been tossing this idea around for a while and have been trying to feel it out as to what y’all would think. Neither Kris or myself really do the twitter thing, but we talked about how it would be funny to have our own hash-tag… You know, something that cool horn rimmed glassed, skinny jean folk could holler out when ever the feel the need. #RNAF was invented. What is #RNAF you may wonder? It stands for Red Neck As… Well you can insert what ever “F” word you want in the fourth position, but im pretty sure you know which one we are referencing in that acronym ūüėČ . Pretty much it just explains things that we all probably do, but to the rest of the¬†world they seem to be a little out there to say the least. Mostly they are lessens that we have learned through experience, and good things to remember (even if they are a little redneck)…

paper plate

  • Paper plates are hillbilly road signs: Any one who has spent any amount of time in the woods know exactly what that paper plate says, and if you have the initials “GW” you had better be making a right hand turn in about 3.5 miles. It’s simple, and it’s stupid, and it works perfect. For less than a penny you know exactly where your going, even if you have no idea where your going. Its like having a GPS that you can eat off later if need be. To take someone else’s paper plate down is a crime punishable by death, and if it isn’t, it should be. Paper plate road signs are definitely #RNAF.

2-chains

  • Just call me 2 chains… I know what you are thinking, “Oh my God, this whole time we have been reading survival blogs that were written by¬†Tauheed Epps (A.K.A. the rapper 2 chainz), Grant Willoughby, is just his pen name…” Nope, your wrong, in fact I have no idea who the scholar in the picture above is, except for the fact that his name is 2 chainz, and the 2 chains that I am making reference to are the ones that I carry in my chainsaw case. The weather is getting nicer outside, and as the snow keeps melting people are gradually finding their way back into the woods. But people forget that it was just winter, in so you have to go prepared for quite a few things. Your still going to hit snow, the roads are going to be muddy as hell, and trees fell down everywhere with the big storms that we experienced this year. Take a saw with you, and bring two chains for it. Put on the worst of the two blades (If you have never had to cut trees that are laying across the road, you have no idea what kind of damage dirty wet wood will cause to your saw, not to mention how easily one piece of gravel will grenade a decent blade.) Learn to go prepared and you will hardly ever need what you have brought, but leave out something critical one time and you will never do it again. Man all this talking about rappers makes me think that maybe I can be one, maybe ill get my old chain saw blades dipped in gold and wear those around my neck, maybe get me some corn rows…

Big tires on the 1 ton, you know we go mud diggin.

Single shot up on the seat, lookin for those prairie chicken’s.

Busch light in the cooler, and my Stihl up in the bed,

day dreams of morels and shaggy’s, mushrooms goin to my head.

Got a perfect spot to go if I can keep it out the ditches,  

I won’t tell you where it’s at, cause I don’t trust no snitches!”

Maybe ill leave the rapping to the experts, but a mushroom hunting rap is definately #RNAF.

porta

  • Does a bear shit in the woods? Nope, and neither do most women. Bear almost always poop right in the middle of the road, and according to my wife, women don’t poop at all… However, she and my Mother both insist on having a porta-poddy when we go camping or head into the woods for an extended visit. I don’t know what they use it for, but it sure fills up fast. What ever they use it for, I know they won’t go if I don’t bring it. If you want to be able to share your favorite activities with those you love its important that they are comfortable too. But… Being a country kid at heart, I pride myself in always having enough camping gear in my truck to supply a small sporting good store for a considerable amount of time. First thing that has to go into one of my vehicles is always toilet paper, second is paper towels, third is a shovel. (In a pinch you can use paper towels as toilet paper, the reverse is not true, try to wipe out a deer carcass with toilet paper and you will know what I mean.) If you have a shovel and a roll of Charmin, the world is your toilet. But there are rules to be obeyed: Don’t do it where the dogs are likely to roll in it, cover it up so you won’t step in it, and if you find the perfect blow-down tree seat, it is your responsibility to declare it “the poopin tree” and inform all parties concerned about its location. Keeping it¬†#RNAF.

I’m sure that there are a lot more, this is just the beginning. We will keep adding them as we think of them, but what we would really like is for you to comment with your¬†#RNAF¬†moments and traditions.¬†Better yet, take some pictures and send them to us, we will post them up, just be sure to throw a ¬†#RNAF¬†on it. Take care until next week.

-Grant Willoughby 03/26/2017-

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